The bewildered child with the pail and shovel may feel confused, rejected, and may not understand why they can’t share. The 5-year-old refuses to talk with the friend and angrily storms off to play on the jungle gym with someone else. The emotional maturity of a typical narcissistic person is akin to a 5-year-old child who pouts and refuses to play with a friend in the sandbox because the friend wants to share the pail and shovel. Essentially, the narcissistic person’s message is one of extreme disapproval to the degree that the silence renders the target so insignificant that he or she is ignored and becomes more or less nonexistent in the eyes of the narcissistic person. He or she may frequently reach out to the narcissistic person via email, phone, or text to resolve greatly inflated misunderstandings, and is typically met with continued disdain, contempt, and silence. The target, who may possess high emotional intelligence, empathy, conflict-resolution skills, and the ability to compromise, may work diligently to respond to the deafening silence. Often, the result of the silent treatment is exactly what the person with narcissism wishes to create: a reaction from the target and a sense of control. It is designed to (1) place the abuser in a position of control (2) silence the target’s attempts at assertion (3) avoid conflict resolution/personal responsibility/compromise or (4) punish the target for a perceived ego slight. The silent treatment is a form of emotional abuse typically employed by people with narcissistic tendencies.
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